Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters

It was a very (un)fortunate turn of events that I saw this movie. Seriously. My friend just got this fancy 3D TV set with glasses and all, and it was the only movie they had in 3D, and I just had to check it out. Yeah.

Lie be told, I've always wanted to see this film. I really like it when classic childhood stories are cinematically retold with abundance of blood and literal head-stomping. This is a dream come true, I'm telling ya.


It's all very action-movie like, appropriate "adventure" music, panning shots and things flying out of the TV. Typical plot, definite ending, very cool "tag" scene in the end, has a nice Hollywood touch, cliches, and I think (hope) Brothers Grimm have long ago stopped turning over in their graves; and people who first made up this story have stopped caring altogether even long before the rise of German Romanticism in early 19th century.

Spoilers or sort-of, duh:
1. The red-headed witch dies, and of course Jeremy Renner is still lonely, bad-ass and availably hot as hell.
2. There's even something like Shrek and Fiona story, and the troll resembles Harry Potter trolls TOO much.
3. Am I the only one or the way Hansel looks at Gretel really has sometimes an incestuous feel to it?
4. Only women can be witches --> witch-craft is bad -->  women become super ugly when they practice this crazy magic stuff. But did you really have to make all witches cripples and invalids of different kinds? I get the logic, but it's not really fair: we aim at constructing an equal-for-all society and that's not really helpful.
5. Really fucking cruel.
6. Historically inaccurate.